Casting

I have been struggling alot this week - yesterday morning was particularly awful. My life verse is Isaiah 40:31 and I have been repeating it over and over again out loud and in my head. "They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall fun and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." I am having trouble with the "wait upon the Lord". I know that His timing is perfect, and that He has chosen our daughter for us since the beginning of time (which, by the way, is incredible to fathom!), and yet I sit here day after day, sometimes hour after hour obsessing about being a number, getting our home study done, analyzing the numbers, etc. I know that those who have never gone through adoption often have a hard time understand the helplessness that I feel, knowing that my daughter is alive, and possibly hungry and lonely half-way across the world. And I know His timing is perfect, but sometimes it is hard to remember! (although I have alot of people who mean well in my life reminding me of this!). So, as I was running today, going through my prayer list, the word "casting" came to mind. and I thought about how the Bible talks about casting, and I figured that the nets that the disciples used to cast over the side were probably not light:). So, I am casting all of this heavy anxiety that I have to our God. and I mean casting, throwing, plummenting toward heaven!

it is a new day

so, back to my thankful blog - I am going to try to concentrate on these things today and try not to think about elkhart county indiana. Here goes!
our small group - love hanging out with them, being encouraged, learning and praying for each other
Jesus Christ - through Him I can do anything (including not be anxious about our dossier!)
the snow!!! it snowed this morning and is still coming down - it is beautiful and a new day!
a bus to take the kids to school!
a whole night of sleep without the power going out!
coffee wednesdays!
baklajava cookies (it is this little place in pawling ny that makes the most incredible sugar cookies!
parents who started the adoption bug in my from an early age by being foster parents to 89 babies!
my adopted siblings - now that we are adopting we have had the best conversations about adoption, their feelings, etc.
our wood stove - the house is cozy warm and the snow is coming down!
happy Thursday!!!!
(and to all you out there still waiting for things for your home study - I am praying for you today!)

Such excitement - and then such dissapointment

so, my day started out at 2:30 when our power went out for the second time in a week - and for no apparent reason. No wind, no storm, etc. And with three kids who love their night lights, it makes for a long night. But this morning was my day to call the FBI yet again, and I was bracing myself for the usual - maam it is 8-10 weeks, and no, you are not in the system. But we were! and the woman said that our prints are done and they are mailing them out! and when I got home from serving hot lunch at the boy's school, my man Charles who I have talked to every week since December had called and wanted to talk. He said that he looked for our stuff every day and today he saw that it was done and he even gave me a tracking number! Praise the Lord! I was jumping and screaming, in complete disbelief! So, I emailed all of our social workers to let them know and specifically to make sure that everything esle that we needed had come in so that once the prints came, the home study would be complete. Our home study social worker told me that Eric's child abuse clearance had not come yet from Indiana, so I called Linda, the person whom I talked to three weeks ago and who had told me that it would be done in two weeks. She told me that it was not done, and that it would be at least two more weeks! Just when I think that we have caught a break, something else is thrown at us! I broke into tears (completely normal for me nowadays) and she told that that she "did not want to hear my sob story!", that everyone has one, and that there was nothing that I could do to expdite the process. This is a little county office in the middle of indiana, not new york city for pete's sake! How many of these can they have to do!!!! So I asked to talk to her supervisor, who said exactly the same thing! At this point I was bawling, so I hung up and called Eric. God has given me such a great husband - he listening through my crying and yelling, and said that he would take care of it. He called me back 10 minutes later to tell me that he had called the senator from Indiana and spoken to his assistant, who told him that she deals with stuff like this all the time and would let us know. Please pray - I need peace right now - I feel like I am on a continuous roller coaster and I wonder how much more I can cry! But I know that our God is bigger than the FBI and bigger than Elkhart County, so I am clinging to Isaiah 40:31. Today I am thankful for
power that came back on one hour later (instead of 9 hours!)
friends who cry with me
my mom who listens and understands
a husband who knows just what to do to fix my problems!
kids who wake up happy from naps!
beef stroganoff (can you tell what we are having for supper?)
big, gooey chocolate chip cookies
a good cry
africa shirts from kim!!!
nerds:) (the candy, of course!)

day 4

so, I have decided to only list 10 things a day - and i am going to try to list things that have brought me joy in my day!
our wood stove
seeing my kids at school, so happy to be learning
a daughter who can entertain herself - priceless!
grilled cheese:) with cheddar and provolone
a car that runs and has heat!
the sun! (yes, I saw it for a few minutes today!)
a hubby who understands why I call him crying in the middle of the day for no particular reason
good friends to bounce ideas off on
family that is as excited about our adoption as we are!
a school to send my kids to that not only teaches them academically, but also teaches them those priceless lessons, about loving and sharing and being selfless
Have a great day!
BTW - when I have any adoption news I'll let you know! Right now my thankful list is helping me not focus on my impatience!
happy tuesday

day three

so, I went to Atlanta this weekend to visit Kim - my best friend from NC. When we moved up here she and her family moved to Georgia, and while we talk a couple times a week, we have only seen each other a handful of times since our moves. It was a great trip - we went to the art museum to see the da vinci exhibit, an ethiopian restaurant, church, a great southern diner, and spent time just catching up on life! Here are my 20 of the day:
Kim
a house with a roof that is not leaking (at this moment:)
a great group of moms to start my week off with
Golden Grahams
rain
our elliptical machine
cute little girl dresses
rain boots
hot showers
flip flops
thai food
my mom's Christmas cookies
coconut rice
south african tea
coffee!
internet
fruity pebbles
frozen grapes
daisies
green lush grass

Have a great Monday!

day two

so, God has such a sense of humor!! Yesterday I wrote that I was thankful for electricity, and then at 1:30am our electricity went out. I think that God wanted to make me laugh - and he did@!!! It finally came back on this morning at 9am. So today, I am extra thankful for electricity:)
my 20 of the day
electricity (again:)
warm showers
fluffy pillows
cupcakes
cuddly kids in the middle of the night
friends who listen to your complaining
friends who love to laugh with you
a hubby who loves you (even after three kids:)
a hubby who will watch the kids for a weekend while I play!
juicy pears
jelly bellys (especially the pear flavor:) - my theme for the day
a daughter who enjoys going shopping with me
the sun
candles
yellow daisies
a good book
good eyesight
colors
my parents
laying in bed on saturday morning just because!
What are you thankful for today?!!

Thankfulness - Gratefulness

I got the idea for this blog from another adoption blog that I follow - a place called simplicity (amazing story and such beautiful children!). I believe, especially in the place where I am right now) that thankfulness is a choice. Not much about my human nature says "instead of thinking about the negative, think about the positive!" So I am making the choice to be thankful. I am aware that for me, it will be a daily choice, and that I will backslide at times, but if I can run three miles a day during nap time, by golly I can be thankful! I am going to just list the things that I am thankful for, every day, even if they seem silly or ridiculous:). Please feel free to join me - I would love to hear what you are thankful for! I will limit myself to 20 things a day (so that I do not run out any time soon:).
I am thankful for:
comfy sweatshirts (the bigger the better)
fuzzy socks (in crazy colors)
chocolate chip cookies (the bigger and softer, the better)
my children right when they wake up and smell like sleep
real butter (oh yes - no margarine for me!)
jester hats (the bus driver always starts his day by laughing at me in my kids hat!)
the breeze blowing through my house (especially in the spring)
swings (big ones - where you pump so high you feel like you left the seat!)
sushi (oh, I feel a craving coming on)
fresh baked bread (do you sense a theme - maybe food related?:)
picnics (every day in the summer at the park!)
coffee with friends (as often as possible)
snow (alot of it - not just a few inches)
electricity (I am reminded of this one every time our power goes out!)
Friday nights (when I am not working the weekend)
waffles (every saturday morning)
seasoned mothers who wait to be asked and then offer such valuable advice
friends - the ones who will always be there, no matter how long it has been
worship songs - especially Hillsong (savior king is a favorite right now)
my hubby - he puts up with so much and never complains - I could never replace him!
Okay, day one. What are you thankful for?

This FBI thing

okay - so here it is. Another (hopefully short) post about waiting for the stupid FBI prints. I am going to try to be eloquent and explain exactly how it feels! (as eloquent as I ever am). I feel like I am trying to get pregnant. And it is not working. And I am taking a pregnancy test once a week, or recently about every other day. and it is negative. And I know that all I need to do is wait, but that still does not stop me from calling, day after day, hoping to get someone who has a heart softened to adoption. It is also very frustrating to hear from other families that just a few months ago it only took a week. What happened in a few months? No idea - but I am definitely not having a patient week. For those of you wondering, yes I did call today, no we are not in the system and the quite perky individual that I talked to had the audacity to not only tell me not to call back for another 4 weeks, she decided to add on to the 8-10 week waiting time by saying that it takes "10 weeks or more!" Seriously?!! What could be more important than loving on a child that has never felt loved?! Okay, done ranting for the day (maybe:). On to something that I am thankful for - I am so thankful for friends and family who are sooo excited about our adoption and have already welcomed Kyria into their hearts and lives. You all are my rays of sunshine today.

So, it has been awhile since I've posted - I would love to tell you that is because I have been so busy getting things done for our adoption, but sadly no. We are only waiting on fingerprints from the FBI to come back, and then we will be done with the paperwork and be put on the referral list to wait for a name and picture! Somehow, while I know that it will be equally hard to wait month after month to get a referral, at this time it seems preferable to waiting for fingerprints to come back. Anyways, yesterday I took Hannah to get her hair cut (it turned out so cute!!!) and we were talking to the stylist about our little girl in Ethiopia. I said that when she comes home I will have two boys and two girls - perfect! Noah responded that it will not be fair - he will only have one brother and two sisters, and he wants two and two. Then I said (jokingly I think!) that maybe we will have to go back for a little brother. after thinking about that for a minute, he told me that it still would not be fair, because Hannah would not have two sisters, maybe we should go back for another girl too. So, Noah has our child count up to 6 - which while terrifying (and highly improbable, especially due to monetary considerations), would be very poetic seeing as the blog name is our journey to 6, and that after marrying Eric I thought that 6 six would be just right. I guess we will see what God has in store for us!
On another note, my so thoughtful husband surprised me last night with a plane ticket to go see my forever friend, Kim, in atlanta next weekend. She has been there for 3 years, and while she has visited here I have never been there! So excited - especially because I am going by myself. While talking to Gini last night - I was reminded what that means - I get to fly on a plane by myself. No bag full of snacks, toys, and distractions. No worrying about if they will be loud, or if their ears will hurt. Now do not get me wrong - I love my little bugs. But 2.5 hours on a plane by myself - I am smiling just thinking about it! So, if you think about it, please pray for Eric next weekend. He is used to having the kids for the weekend when I go to work, but I am here in the morning and the evening, and this will be the first time I am leaving overnight and not taking the kids. I know that he will do incredibly well - but prayer never hurts!

"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. A few posts ago I was bemoaning my lack of patience. 10 years ago when Eric and I began talking about adoption, it was such a far off concept that I wondered if it would ever truly materialize. Then we began having our biological children, and again there was no need for patience (about adoption, anyways:). And now I am in a season of waiting. In the past 10 years, I have had many seasons. The season of being a burn nurse, a season a being first-time mom, a season of being a full-time nurse and a first-time mom, a season of being mom to two, a season of asking God why my child suffered, a season of leaving the familiar behind, a season of homesickness, a season of growth, a season of being a mom to three, a season of contentment. and now my season of waiting. Today as I was going through my "mommy books" I found a book from MOPS entitled "Just give me a little piece of quiet," by Lorilee Craker. I was looking through, finding paragraphs that I had highlighted in 2006, when I came across this section and the verse above. Next to it I had written "My time will come - my arms are waiting". Little did I know then that three years later my time is coming - and my arms are tingling with excitement. Here is the paragraph:
"At the moment, I am waiting for a child myself, a child who is growing, as I write these words, in her birth mother's womb on the other side of the world. Foreign adoption is a long, winding road full of setbacks and delays. And just when you think you have filled out your last scrap of paperwork, another couple of reams are thrown at you. Waiting to hold my baby daughter in my arms, to see her sweet face for the first time, is getting harder and harder. But I am holding on to the fact that God will sustain me and my family as we wait for her. And no matter how much I want to speed up the process, God is ordering my steps in His perfect time."