again - it has been forever since I have posted - about a month ago I was pretty sure that the next post would be about our referral. no such luck. we are still waiting at number 2. and it stinks. no matter how hard I try each day to forget about the phone ringing, or not wonder if today will be the day - I still do. a million times a day. our 10 month waiting list "anniversary" has passed, and still nothing. when we signed with AGCI, we were given a time frame of 8-10 months for a referral. So in my mind, I knew that we would get one before christmas. I think that is why it is so incredibly hard. I never stopped to think that it might go over ten months. that was my fault - I should know by now that nothing in this adoption journey goes as planned. There are very concrete reasons why we have not received a referral yet (embassy dates for traveling families have been postponed - thus there is literally no room at the inn:). I can remind myself of this fact one hundred times an hour - but it still does not help. This momma's heart is breaking over her little one. Trusting in Him - that is the only thing that is keeping me from going completely insane. It is so hard to watch other families get referrals, and travel, etc......and to still be waiting. THis does not mean that I am not overflowing with excitement for all the families that are bringing their little ones into their homes, but my very human mind often wants to wander into the world of "it's not fair, why not us, etc". This journey has stretched me more than anything else in my life. It is not about me. At all. and oh how I hate the little devil that sits on my shoulder day in and day out, whispering selfish little thoughts. one day at a time. even though the hours seem to drag, and the phone never rings. one day at a time.
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow
5 comments:
praying for you! I know it's so so hard at the top of that list! We were quoted 4-6 months for a referral when we got on the list and it was 7 1/2. I remember being so frustrated when that 6 month mark passed us by. Praying it's not too much longer for you. January would be a great month for your referral! :)
i, too, was so frustrated when 6 months passed since we were given the same time frame as lauren... praying for you as you wait. it's going to be SOON now! especially with the embassy dates going out!!! i cannot WAIT to read your referral post!!!
Praying peace over you in this tough time. I remember seeing others who had received referrals after us....have court ahead of us- the green monster of jealousy came out. BUT it did not make me happy, only more sad.....God truly cares....lifting you up to HIM!
Becca-I wanted to check in and see the status, I continue to pray for peace for you all as you await your precious little one, God's timing is perfect although so hard, right? We love you, looking forward to seeing you soon!
I struggle with the selfish thoughts too. I need to remind myself when I'm complaining about how hard this wait is, that on the other side of the world a monther is having to make a heartbreaking decision and my daughter's little heart will HURT as a result. It's not about us, but it is so easy to think so. Praying those 9 beds at HH will be filled SOON so that we can see our babe's faces AT LAST!
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