Friday, November 12, 2010

november update

again - it has been forever:).  I just get so busy catching up on all the other blogs that I follow that I forget to post here!  (thanks em for reminding me.).  So, our official November number is 7, although we know that we are unofficially number 4!!!  oh, it could be next week or next month.  Right this moment I am listening to Hillsong Saviour King, and they are singing "I'll wait on you - your name is higher than all created things - I will seek your face, call upon your name - all I want is you".  I constantly need that reminder every second as I yearn to see my little one's face.  I wonder if she is born.  Is she hungry?  Is she loved?  Is she cold?  The closer we get to our referral, the harder it is becoming.  There is no way that I can explain it, even to Eric.  It is like there is a piece of my heart crying out for something that is just beyond its grasp.  I wake up in the middle of the night (a lot) and pray for her - for her health, her safety, her family and the incredibly agonizing decision that they are making.  As excited as I am about seeing her face, at the same time my heart is broken for her family, the ones who love her first.  My heart is broken for the loss that my little one may be going through right now.  On the side of the road, in an orphanage, with sounds and smells that are not familiar, without hearing her momma's heart beat, without the knowledge that all is well.  I simply want to be with her, for her to feel her mother's love, to wipe away her tears.  Oh my little one - we are so close and we love you so much.  You are so incredibly wanted and loved already.

PS - on a lighter note:) - if you read this could you just leave a quick note?  just wondering.....

14 comments:

Tanya said...

Your words are so real, and my heart is with you all as you "wait" for a new party of your families "journey." Many blessings, Tanya Klein

chantel said...

I read it :) I feel the same way. Hope the referrals keep coming

emily said...

you know I read it... Thank you for posting! I can't wait to meet your little princess too!

Christine said...

Becca...I read this to our family tonight. You touched our hearts...thank you for that. Although there is so much darkness in our world, we must not forget that the light penetrates darkness at it's very core. Thanks for allowing His light to shine...praying for you and your sweet baby girl!

Esther Toppin said...

I will try again. The last time I tried to reply, it didn't work. You know I am praying with you daily for your new daughter. May God bring just the right little girl to you.

Joy and Geoff said...

Oh, there are so many feelings mixed in with the anticipation, for sure. Which makes it so valuable to be able to connect with the adoption community - all of us waiting, hoping, and watching our families form.

Lauren said...

I know exactly how you feel - I felt the same way as we got closer to our referral. Every day was just harder and harder. I wondered all of the same things. Now I don't worry so much about Tucker, because I know he's getting great care - but every time I think of his losses and his birth mom I just cry and cry. Praying for you and your daughter!!

Beth said...

I read it too and love hearing your updates. Praying for your little girl!

The Young Family said...

You know I'm here and reading:). Not always commenting b/c of craziness...but I'm here...and I've been there. Praying for your sweet girl!

Jenny said...

AHHHHH!!!! i'm still just SO excited that you're in the top 5 now! praying you're not there for long!!!

Alison said...

I am reading!! And I am so excited about how close that ya'll are getting!! YAY!!

Jenny said...

and let me also add, i COMPLETELY understand how hard it is to be in the top... we sat in top 10 and then top 5 for a while b/c of the slowness of boy referrals through the rainy season and MAN... was it HARD! i ACHE to hold my son now that i've seen him, but in many ways this part of the wait is easier... so i hope you get to this part soon!

Sara said...

it's getting sooooo close (finally!) I can't wait!!!!

Susan said...

Hi Becca, I just read this (well, obviously I guess). You guys have come so far in your quest for baby Kyria! I am, will be, praying for you and your daughter to come, that your hearts meet soon.