Tuesday, November 30, 2010

trying to patiently wait - but not doing a very good job:)

well, dear readers, as many of you know we are unofficially number 3.  Which is really really good.  really really close.  And my mind is playing games on me.  we moved 6 numbers in one week, so three is a couple weeks really should not be too much, right?  I cannot even imagine how Gini feels (she is my best friend sitting in the number one spot - every time I call her I have to apologize that it is just me and not our agency:).  Anyways, I know that once we get a referral it is going to be so incredibly hard to not have her in my arms, but right now my heart just aches - we are so close and this momma knows that something is probably happening or will happen soon in her life - and while I want her so much it physically hurts, I cannot imagine what her family is going through.  To wake up every day and wonder if today is the day often seems so very selfish to me - because my great gain of a daughter is another momma's loss.  and then mix in with that the anticipation of actually getting the call, and the excitement of being so close - I am going crazy!!!  So, if you see me in the next weeks, and wonder why I look like that crazy person I feel like:) this is why.  I am an overdue, tired of waiting, anxious to be done waiting, grieving for my daughter and her family, hormonal MESS!!!  thanks for putting up with me!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Hannah's lollipops!

I know - do not fall over, I am posting again.  No, a month has not gone by:) - I just knew that if I did not do this now - it would not get done!  I cannot believe that my baby is turning three tomorrow!  Happy Almost Birthday, Hannah!  So, as many of you know, my Hannah is a picky eater.  As the third child, I am surprisingly okay with this - she is healthy, growing, etc.  But this makes it very difficult on her birthday, because she does not usually eat cake, cookies, etc.  (I know - definitely not my child:)!.  Anyways, I have been asking her what I can make for her birthday, and she keeps saying that all she wants is lollipops.  I admit it, I did think about plopping a big bag of dum-dums in front of her tomorrow and not make a cake, but I just could not do it, even if she does not eat any of it.  But, I decided to be Martha Stewart again today (Yes, dear friends, I went to hobby lobby again:), and I made cake lollipops.  Here is what I did (don't I have the cutest assistant?!)

Ingredients : one box cake mix
                     one container frosting
                     melting wafers
                     lollipop sticks
                     styrofoam block
                     decorations (I used sprinkles and candles)
Directions:  Make and bake the cake according to directions on the box.  Cool.
                    Break cake into small pieces, put in mixer, crumble into tiny  pieces.
Add frosting, continue to mix until dough becomes sticky

Scoop out dough and form into balls, place on silpat or wax paper and refrigerate for about 15 minutes.
Melt a small amount of the wafers (in microwave for 30 second increments).  Dip the end of a lollipop stick in the melted chocolate and stick into the cake ball.

Refrigerate for several hours, allowing the chocolate and cake balls to harden (the cake will still be mushy).
Melt the wafers (again, in 30 second increments).  Dip each ball into the chocolate, tap off the excess, and place in the styrofoam block.  Store in refrigerator and enjoy!!!

Friday, November 12, 2010

november update

again - it has been forever:).  I just get so busy catching up on all the other blogs that I follow that I forget to post here!  (thanks em for reminding me.).  So, our official November number is 7, although we know that we are unofficially number 4!!!  oh, it could be next week or next month.  Right this moment I am listening to Hillsong Saviour King, and they are singing "I'll wait on you - your name is higher than all created things - I will seek your face, call upon your name - all I want is you".  I constantly need that reminder every second as I yearn to see my little one's face.  I wonder if she is born.  Is she hungry?  Is she loved?  Is she cold?  The closer we get to our referral, the harder it is becoming.  There is no way that I can explain it, even to Eric.  It is like there is a piece of my heart crying out for something that is just beyond its grasp.  I wake up in the middle of the night (a lot) and pray for her - for her health, her safety, her family and the incredibly agonizing decision that they are making.  As excited as I am about seeing her face, at the same time my heart is broken for her family, the ones who love her first.  My heart is broken for the loss that my little one may be going through right now.  On the side of the road, in an orphanage, with sounds and smells that are not familiar, without hearing her momma's heart beat, without the knowledge that all is well.  I simply want to be with her, for her to feel her mother's love, to wipe away her tears.  Oh my little one - we are so close and we love you so much.  You are so incredibly wanted and loved already.

PS - on a lighter note:) - if you read this could you just leave a quick note?  just wondering.....